I left a job having secured other employment and giving
notice as per workplace agreements, On my last day I met meeting with the HR
Manager to do an exit interview and finalised outstanding salary and
entitlements owing to me and sign final paperwork. I then returned to my desk a
gathered my belongings and went home.
I learned afterwards that word spread around the office that
I had left after heating and loud “discussions” with HR resulting me from being
escorted from the building by security officers. It must be said that the
security officers at this organisation would not have been capable of escorting
a kitten into a box of wool off cuts. What a missed opportunity. With this
being the expectation I could have been knocking over furniture swiping items
off of people’s desks and grabbing at doorways to hinder my removal all the
while screaming like a flock of seagulls fighting over a hot chip.
What is the etiquette for leaving a place of work? A meal or
drinks with colleagues, sure why not. A small gift and a over-sized card filled
with hollow sentiments, ok I guess. Speeches, umm well I suppose someone needs
to say something, I suggest 1 minute for every year of service to a maximum of
6 minutes. This is to be divided and not multiplied between speakers if
multiple people feel compelled to be the centre of attention. An additional 4
minutes can be added if it is a long standing CEO or employee (more than 10
years service) is actually retiring, not just resigning. This is to leave
plenty of time for old jokes. “Old” as in the person’s age as well as the age
of the jokes.
It is rare that the person leaving will actually walk out of
the office immediately at the conclusion of any festivities. They might be held
earlier in the week or at lunch time on the last day. This begs the question,
what happens when the person actually goes to leave the building for the last
time?
Return the keys, carry out the box of personal effects,
place an out off office message on the phone and email. that’s a given. But
what about the human interaction? A handshake is appropriate in a work place
but is a hug or kiss on the cheek? I would say in most cases this is too much.
And where do the farewells stop? The immediate team and
regular working partners, is surely enough. Unless there is a guard of honour
either side of a red carpet leading from my desk to the car park there is no
need to say goodbye to everyone in the building. Even John Farnham would think
this type of farewell was too much.
Personally I expect to see tearful faces of former
colleagues pressed up against the window as I drive away.
It appears compulsory these days when leaving a group of
people, whether they be work colleagues, travel companions, or teammates at the
end of the season, to exchange social media contacts. This can be a long
process
- email
- facebook
- twitter
- Instagram
- Linked
In
- Tinder/Grindr/Pink
Sofa
- My
space
If you were really interested in this information wouldn’t
it have already been exchanged during the period you were together. If we have
not had social contact prior to leaving then the chances of social contact
after one of us has left is as likely as Oprah sticking to a diet.
If you are that interested, perhaps try Google.
Farewells are getting worse, longer and less sincere. I
blame it on competition/reality television, The Block, X Factor, Master Chef,
Idol Top Model… Despite all of the footage during the episodes of the
characters arguing with each other and scheming against each other, each person
as they leave the “house” declares their never ending friendship and love to
their fellow contestants.
In the words of Australian boxing champion Jeff Fenech, “I
love youse all.”
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